Age Confirmation

So I rewatched the third Equestria Girls movie, Friendship Games, and the more I think about it the dumber the whole thing becomes. Hot opinions on something from fucking 2015 after the break.

The opening song is pretty good, but it goes “all the way to the Friendship Games” and “we’ve come this far” implying it’s this big tournament event thing in the same way College Basketball would say something along the lines of “the Road to the Final Four”, but it’s not. It’s just this thing that happens between two rival schools every four years for some reason. There’s not even any “all the way” in the sense of DISTANCE either because the fucking thing is just held at CHS.

Why don’t they tell the students what they’ll be competing in? How do you do an event like this that you can’t train for at all? What if you get your team made and then they drop motocross on you and you find out that nobody can actually handle the bike? Thanks Glowbutt Shimmerdicks, I guess we just fucking lose now!

There’s not even any real events that I’ve ever actually seen a high school run in it. I get that it’s supposed to be like an academic olympics, but why the fuck would there be a CAKE BAKING competition aside from just something to give Pinkie an easy win? Why is there birdhouse making? Competitive math solving? Motocross? Maybe STEM competitions (WHY ARE YOU GIVING DERPY COMBUSTIBLE CHEMICALS), but where’s the debate team? Do normal high schools have spelling bees? I thought that was more of a grade school or maybe middle school thing. Hell, they both have a sports field so they have to have like… football or soccer teams so why isn’t there any of that instead?

Why is there motocross?

Like I could maybe see archery. There are schools that have archery competitions. Why speed skating? Wouldn’t that be better off as anything in an actual decathlon like 100-meter dash, hurdles, etc?

Why is there motocross? No seriously this just boggles my mind. And they set up a track specifically for it? Like they had to make it FOR the event, so there’s not even any actual motocross stuff going on at the school. Sunset even says that it’s overkill whenever she sees it. Like, lampshading it doesn’t make it any more believable. It just calls more attention to the fact that it’s absurd.

The final event was going to be finding flags hidden on the school grounds. Doesn’t CHS have a natural advantage for this considering it’s their school? Since she complained about CHS cheating with magic, you’d figure Principal Cinch would immediately throw up a complaint. I guess she was too busy trying to get Twilight to do something fucking retarded for no real reason.

Also it’s always a bit frustrating whenever the big plot point of a movie is a mystery, but the audience already knows the answer to the mystery and the whole time you’re just watching the characters slowly connect the dots that you already know about.

It feels like the movie was trying to be like those high school sports movies, but they realized that the portal to Equestria was a fixed location and Sci-Twi’s whole deal was trying to figure out what was going on with the magic there anyway, so they couldn’t actually move locations. It really seems like the entirety of EQG’s universe revolves around CHS and even if there are other schools, those schools exist to be the rivals of Canterlot.